He was a madman. He exiled or killed off all of his wives. A master of manipulation, he worked to gain the favor of the people above and below him. Known as a “ruthless fighter, a cunning negotiator, and a subtle diplomat,” (Nelson’s Bible Dictionary), he was the first of six King Herods, Roman rulers in Palestine around the time of Jesus’ life. The biblical account presents Herod the Great, a self-designated title, as the narcissist in the Christmas story. He was so bad that when people recognized the leadership potential of his son, the buzz around Jerusalem became, “Herod is great, but his son is greater.” To eliminate the competition, he ordered the assassination of his son.
In direct
contrast to the magi, the joyous kings, who came to worship the newborn King of
the Jews, Herod was the jealous king. The Herod spirit is an insecure,
manipulative, self-serving one.
Narcissism,
a term derived from Greek mythology, designates a person obsessed with
themselves. Modern psychologists even designate a narcissist disorder for some
people, though many people would simply be described as having narcissistic
tendencies.
Unfortunately,
the church is not immune from this reality. I’ve spent more than twenty years
studying the effects of narcissistic ministry leaders on churches and people.
I’ve seen it surface in a senior pastor. I’ve experienced it in a pastor’s wife
(not my own!). I’ve seen it in a church treasurer. And likely, you may have
too. The manipulation and politicking I’ve occasionally – not often – seen in
churches by someone with narcissistic tendencies rival anything that happens in
Washington, D.C.! And it leaves much damage in its wake.
Decision-making
centers on them. They must keep their hands in the decision-making, and they
are offended and angered when people make decisions different than what they
would choose.
Impatience
and lack of ability to listen to others. He may call his impatience
decisiveness, but he lacks curiosity, empathy, and compassion.
Delegating
without giving authority. She wants people around her to carry out her wishes,
resulting in micromanagement. She may call a team together and ask their
opinions, but at the end of the day she instructs them to do what she wants in
sundry subjective details.
Feeling
threatened or intimidated by other talented people. DeGroat says they often
“feign connection in order to woo followers.” They pour it on to people they
want to sway, yet they are deeply threatened by someone who does not seem to
need them.
Need to be
the best and brightest in the room. The narcissistic ministry leader wants to
outshine others. In a healthy team, when one person wins, it makes everyone
look good. In an unhealthy one, jealousy and turf wars erupt when one person
shines. The narcissist needs to be special, needed, and the hero. Henry Cloud
writes in his new book, “Trust,” that narcissistic “people have a great
investment in being seen as ‘ideal’ or ‘perfect.’ They must be adored and
idealized by others in order to feel secure and trust.” A narcissistic parent
will even feel threatened by the success of other people’s children and may
even target them.
Intimidate
others. Highly insecure, “they are always on the watch for disloyalty, and when
they find it, they punish it severely.” They see their opinions, views, and the
way they would do things as the “right” way. And they will not hesitate from
using intimidation to try to back you down into your corner.
Praising and
withdrawing. She will pour it on to praise the person that she feels approves
or her, submits to her, and can be controlled by her. But watch ought if you
disagree with her, because she cannot tolerate disagreement. To her, it is
disrespect and worthy of correction. Her correction. When she realizes you will
not be controlled, she withdraws – and often begins plotting how to get you out
of her system.
The narcissist
works hard to control themselves, their family, and those around them. However,
staying in control will attack your spirit of joy. Herod was crazy in part
because he would not give up control. He tried to perfect his life by
controlling everyone around him. But the spirit of joy is in direct contrast to
the spirit of Herod.
The Bible describes the magi, after their 1000-mile journey that likely took six to nine months, as being “filled with joy” (Matthew 2:10 NLT). Unlike Herod the Great, they focused on One even greater – the true King of Kings. Seeing themselves as one part of a much grander plan, they served others, valued input from others, and helped others to accomplish their goals.
And the
young Child born in the manger modeled the opposite of the Herod spirit. The
Creator of the universe came to earth as a vulnerable baby, needed to be
carried, nourished, and helped by the very humans He created. Giving up His
rights, and giving up any need for acclaim, He humbled Himself.
And because
He did, you and I can know everlasting joy. The spirit of great joy comes from
submitting to and worshiping the King of Kings - and serving others with your
life. Give up your control and trust Him.
Read Lessons Learned from Church Hurt
Pictures used courtesy of Pixabay.
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