Impacting Our Children During the Holidays

Click here to see my article, 7 Ways for Dads to Teach Spiritual Lessons During the Holidays in The Old Schoolhouse Magazine

Raising Children of Integrity

 Our five-year-old son developed a habit of lying, and I was determined to stop it!  After numerous attempts at spanking as punishment, I wanted a creative approach to discipline.  Surely there was something I could do to nip this in the bud.

Finally, I devised my plan.  One year earlier, Hendrix became interested in the Star Wars movies.  One of his treasured possessions was my old collection of Star Wars action figures.  He thought they were gold. 

I decided that when he lied, he needed to feel pain in an area that mattered to him.  So, the new rule would be that he loses one action figure for every lie told.  One evening when he and I were home alone I initiated what I thought was the perfect tactic of creative discipline.  Hendrix told a lie, and I instructed him to bring me one Star Wars man and meet me in the kitchen.  He listened to my speech about the destructive nature of lies.  Then, I proceeded to heat up the frying pan.  I told my son that what I was about to do to his action figure would illustrate what lies do when they are told.  Hendrix and I watched as Han Solo slowly melted away until all that was left was a puddle of oozing plastic goo.

In my mind I thought, “What a great plan.  The little guy will remember this forever.  This may just break the pattern of lies tonight.  James Dobson and Kevin Leman will probably feature this idea in one of their books.”  I looked up at Hendrix, expecting him to break into uncontrollable sobs, wailing, “Daddy, I will never lie again!  I have learned my lesson!” 

Instead, Hendrix, who had not taken his eyes off of the frying pan, flashed his bright eyes at mine and excitedly asked, “Can we do another one, Daddy?”  So much for creative discipline. 

A Pancake House

Children catch many of life’s values as we model them in life – not as we plan the perfect lesson with a frying pan.  Several years after the Han Solo incident our family experienced an object lesson in integrity and truth-telling that Hendrix still remembers.    Vacationing in Pigeon Forge, we ate supper at one of the infamous pancake houses.  The restaurant had a large, separate foyer and gift shop where people paid for their meal.  After eating, we left the dining room and waited for several minutes in the unattended foyer.  My children began looking at some pocket knives for sale.  Finally, a manager entered.  He apologized for the delay and said, “Thank you for your honesty.  You have no idea how many people in your situation just leave the store and do not pay.”  Then, seeing Hendrix looking at the pocket knife, he said, “Please, you all may have the pocket knife at no charge.  That is my way of saying thank you for being honest.” 

Today, my family still has that knife with “Pigeon Forge” carved on its side.  And occasionally, one of the children will say, “That is the knife the man gave us because we were honest.”  That small knife reminds us of the importance of integrity. 

Here are some practical ways we can work at instilling integrity in our children.

Explain what integrity means

Teach children that integrity means to be the same on the inside as you claim to be on the outside.  The word is associated with the testing of metals.  Some rings are gold-plated.  Others are solid gold all the way through.  God wants us to be the real deal.

Read and memorize key verses

During mealtimes or family devotions, review Bible texts about the importance of truth-telling.  Some examples are Proverbs 12:19, Ephesians 4:15 & 25, John 8:44, John 14:6.

Read stories about people of integrity

As a family, read age-appropriate books or listen to radio theater stories of people with integrity (Gladys Aylward, Corrie ten Boom, and George Muller for example).  Then discuss lessons from their lives.  Also recommended are William Bennett’s The Children’s Book of Virtues and The Children’s Book of Heroes.  Three excellent sources for high quality radio theater are Lamplighter Theater, Adventures in Odyssey, and Focus on the Family's Radio Theater.   Our family has enjoyed dozens of hours the past several years with fabulous radio theater dramas!

Jesus is in the room

We try to teach our children that we always live in God’s presence.  At times we will say, “I need you to answer me with Jesus standing in the room with us.”

Sour tongue

When children do lie, take a small dab of vinegar and put it on their tongue.  We call this “sour tongue.”  The awful taste reminds them of how lies taste to God.

Model honesty and integrity

No better training exists than Dad and Mom living lives worth replicating before their children.  Those little ones see us day in and day out.  Remember, they catch what we do and say – and what we don’t.

May our children find us to be people of integrity – the real deal on the inside.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay and Pexels.

Intentional Parenting

Famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra played against slugger Hank Aaron in the 1957 World Series. An on-plate exchange occurred between the two when Aaron prepared to bat. Berra chided, “Henry, you need to hold the bat so you can read the label. You're gonna break that bat. You've got to be able to read the label."

Aaron remained silent, but he knocked the ball out of the park on his next hit. After running the bases and touching home plate, he responded to Berra, “"I didn't come up here to read." 

In a word, Aaron exuded intentionality. Merriam-Webster defines intentionality as “done by design.”  It speaks of the quality of being purposeful and deliberate.

Christian parenting remains one of the most effective means of accomplishing the Great Commission. We can embrace the task with gusto – use the time entrusted to me with these children to produce Christ-followers. Jesus did not command us to just evangelize but to make disciples. To reproduce mature individuals who obey Jesus and bear fruit in their lives.

Just as Hank Aaron approached the plate to win, we can approach parenting purposefully and deliberately. Here are four areas parents can practice intentionality.

Intentional with time

When my oldest son was three, we routinely went out for “buddy breakfasts.” Some Saturdays, we journeyed to Hardee’s, ordered cinnamon-raisin biscuits, and sat at the high stools, enjoying life. Now that he is a teenager, I still look for times and ways to spend time one-one-one.

I gleaned from The Navigators ministry in college that in the early stages of discipleship, the relationship is as important as the material studied. Later, as the relationship grows strong, the emphasis shifts to the truth learned.

Building the relationship with our children requires time. Don’t swallow the old lie that only quality time matters. In reality, quality time cannot be manufactured. It occurs in the middle of quantity time.

As our children grew into pre-teens, we began taking them on summer overnight father-son and mother-daughter excursions. This year my oldest son and I plan on visiting Vince Gill’s guitar museum in Chattanooga.

I know life is busy. I know the months and years clip at a fast pace. So let’s take out our calendars now at the year’s beginning to plan some quantity time.

Intentional with reading

The importance of reading in raising wise, productive children cannot be overstated. Mark Hamby of Lamplighter Books shares that only two natural factors will determine how different you are five years from now: the people you meet and the books you read.

We can expose our children to great books from history, great stories from literature, and great attributes from people’s lives. Be careful to not let your children’s repertoire consist only of the latest superhero or potty-humored popular series. 

Child-appropriate series abound retelling classic stories like Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, and Little Women. As your children mature, guide them toward good, positive literature that is well-written, thought-provoking, and teaches life lessons.

Take time to read books with your children at every age. As children become tweens and teens, select material that will provoke good discussion. Right now we are reading and discussing Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations with our youngest two children. 

Through books and literature, we can expose our children to world-changing thoughts and ideas.

Intentional with boundaries

Remember, we are not primarily our children’s friends. We are their parents. As a seminary student, I heard Thom Rainer say that leadership means you get far enough ahead of people so they can spot you are the leader – but not so far ahead that they mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the bottom!

Intentional parenting requires making hard and sometimes unpopular decisions. We set boundaries for our children for their best interest. 

Last summer, my wife birthed a marvelous plan. She created a chore chart for electronic time. In order for our children to use their phones, video games, and devices, they had to earn time based on household chores. For example . . .

Take out trash = 5 minutes

Vacuum one room = 10 minutes

Sweep and mop one room = 20 minutes

Cook dinner = 30 minutes

Tracey put a chart in the kitchen and each day, our kids signed in their chores and calculated the resulting electronic time. I’ve never seen them so motivated to clean the house!

Don’t be intimidated to get in front and lead, parents.

Intentional with family devotions

Raising Christ-followers in our homes necessitates time spent at the family altar. Various methods and catechisms abound. However, many times I found the most effective approach is to simply open the Bible and authentically share what is on my heart from God’s Word. Of course, parents, that requires you and I to follow Christ daily. The genuineness of Dad and Mom sharing from God’s Word out of the overflow of our personal relationship with Jesus will leave an indelible – and intentional - print on the souls of our children.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay.

Valuable Asset

 

Intentional Parenting

Click here to view my monthly newspaper column this week in The Clinton Chronicle.

Intentional Parenting

Famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra played against slugger Hank Aaron in the 1957 World Series. An on-plate exchange occurred between the two when Aaron prepared to bat. Berra chided, “Henry, you need to hold the bat so you can read the label. You're gonna break that bat. You've got to be able to read the label."

Aaron remained silent, but he knocked the ball out of the park on his next hit. After running the bases and touching home plate, he responded to Berra, “"I didn't come up here to read." 

In a word, Aaron exuded intentionality. Merriam-Webster defines intentionality as “done by design.”  It speaks of the quality of being purposeful and deliberate.

Christian parenting remains one of the most effective means of accomplishing the Great Commission. We can embrace the task with gusto – use the time entrusted to me with these children to produce Christ-followers. Jesus did not command us to just evangelize but to make disciples. To reproduce mature individuals who obey Jesus and bear fruit in their lives.

Just as Hank Aaron approached the plate to win, we can approach parenting purposefully and deliberately. Here are four areas parents can practice intentionality.

Intentional with time

When my oldest son was three, we routinely went out for “buddy breakfasts.” Some Saturdays, we journeyed to Hardee’s, ordered cinnamon-raisin biscuits, and sat at the high stools, enjoying life. Now that he is a teenager, I still look for times and ways to spend time one-one-one.

I gleaned from The Navigators ministry in college that in the early stages of discipleship, the relationship is as important as the material studied. Later, as the relationship grows strong, the emphasis shifts to the truth learned.

Building the relationship with our children requires time. Don’t swallow the old lie that only quality time matters. In reality, quality time cannot be manufactured. It occurs in the middle of quantity time.

As our children grew into pre-teens, we began taking them on summer overnight father-son and mother-daughter excursions. This year my oldest son and I plan on visiting Vince Gill’s guitar museum in Chattanooga.

I know life is busy. I know the months and years clip at a fast pace. So let’s take out our calendars now at the year’s beginning to plan some quantity time.

Intentional with reading

The importance of reading in raising wise, productive children cannot be overstated. Mark Hamby of Lamplighter Books shares that only two natural factors will determine how different you are five years from now: the people you meet and the books you read.

We can expose our children to great books from history, great stories from literature, and great attributes from people’s lives. Be careful to not let your children’s repertoire consist only of the latest superhero or potty-humored popular series. 

Child-appropriate series abound retelling classic stories like Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, and Little Women. As your children mature, guide them toward good, positive literature that is well-written, thought-provoking, and teaches life lessons.

Take time to read books with your children at every age. As children become tweens and teens, select material that will provoke good discussion. Right now we are reading and discussing Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations with our youngest two children. 

Through books and literature, we can expose our children to world-changing thoughts and ideas.

Intentional with boundaries

Remember, we are not primarily our children’s friends. We are their parents. As a seminary student, I heard Thom Rainer say that leadership means you get far enough ahead of people so they can spot you are the leader – but not so far ahead that they mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the bottom!

Intentional parenting requires making hard and sometimes unpopular decisions. We set boundaries for our children for their best interest. 

Last summer, my wife birthed a marvelous plan. She created a chore chart for electronic time. In order for our children to use their phones, video games, and devices, they had to earn time based on household chores. For example . . .

Take out trash = 5 minutes

Vacuum one room = 10 minutes

Sweep and mop one room = 20 minutes

Cook dinner = 30 minutes

Tracey put a chart in the kitchen and each day, our kids signed in their chores and calculated the resulting electronic time. I’ve never seen them so motivated to clean the house!

Don’t be intimidated to get in front and lead, parents.

Intentional with family devotions

Raising Christ-followers in our homes necessitates time spent at the family altar. Various methods and catechisms abound. However, many times I found the most effective approach is to simply open the Bible and authentically share what is on my heart from God’s Word. Of course, parents, that requires you and I to follow Christ daily. The genuineness of Dad and Mom sharing from God’s Word out of the overflow of our personal relationship with Jesus will leave an indelible – and intentional - print on the souls of our children.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay.

Men Trying to Be Sexually Pure

Recently,  in light of the #MeToo movement and the Kavanaugh hearing, I've seen several memes floating around showing how many messages women receive in our sexually-charged culture aimed at telling them to be modest and not lead on men.

Some of them seem to imply that all of the weight is on the women.

As a man, I have tried during my adult life to live a life that pleased the Lord and honored him, including in the way I relate to the opposite sex. Keeping one's self under control is a discipline, particularly in a society that flaunts sex on magazine covers, television ads, and almost everywhere you turn.

As a boy, I learned the Royal Ambassador Pledge, which includes the statement, "As a Royal Ambassador I will do my best . . . to keep myself clean and healthy in mind and body."

While a college student, I read in a Christian magazine about a young man asking a 40-something year-old if he ever struggled with lust. The implication was that the young man thought since the older man was married and enjoyed sex with his wife, the struggle with lust was over. The 40-something year old replied, "Son, I did not know what lust was until my 40's."

Certainly sexual temptation knows no age-limits. 



A Lifestyle to Adopt

For moms raising sons they hope to be godly, self-controlled young men, and for Christian men who seek to live a life above reproach, here is a reminder of some of the responsibility men bear in the path of purity . . .

• Turn our gaze from magazine ads and covers, internet pop-ups, television ads, and the 100+ other forms of sexually charged items in our culture.
• When I walk down a hall or narrow path near women, I often put my hands in my pockets or press my hands against my pants so as not to in any way accidentally touch a woman inappropriately.
• Start every day before getting out of bed submitting myself - including my body - to the Lord for His glory and use.
• Pray the Lord's Prayer at the start of every day - not by rote but by meaning. And seek to walk in the Spirit and live a life bathed in conversational prayer daily.

• When a situation is appropriate to hug a women (other than my wife), I make sure and move towards a side hug so as to not press my body in any way against her breasts.
• When out in public, when I see a woman dressed immodestly, I discipline myself to look away and not keep looking at her body.
• Refrain from flirting with women, even casually.
• Never discuss sexual matters with another woman (unless in a strict counseling setting - and even then only with another person present).

• Refrain from seeking emotional "strokes" from women other than my wife. Don't try and be a hero or "Prince Charming" to anyone other than my wife and daughter.
• I refrain from meeting a woman other than my wife or family member in public - at a restaurant, for example (some of the same folks who criticize President Trump for his immorality criticize Vice President Pence for his practices like this one aimed at moral purity.)
• Choose to not watch television shows, videos, or movies with much sexual situations and scantly-clad women.
• Refrain from watching movies with nudity.

• Turn the station when music comes on of a sensual nature (a lot of today's country music has turned from love to lust songs).
• When sex is satisfying at home, enjoy!
• When sex is sparse at home, practice self-control and self-discipline and learn to be content when my wants are not met.
• Discipline myself to meditate on and memorize Scripture from the Bible. Keep a steady supply of biblical sermons and devotions on my phone and in my car to listen to at times when driving - for the purpose of renewing my mind.

• Abstain from indulging in internet pornography, which is always a few clicks away.
• Treat women with respect and dignity. That includes opening doors for them, saying "thank you," and asking about their lives.
• Choose to dress in a way that shows self-respect and modesty.
• Never engage in sexual jokes - not even with other men.
• Keep internet filters on my devices.

• Never engage in bragging about sexual activity with anyone (other than your spouse!)
• If I am feeling especially tempted sexually in some way, ask a godly man to pray for me.
• Discipline my thought life to only think about my wife sexually. 
• Keep a short account with God. When I realize I have lusted or harbored inappropriate thoughts or desires, repent of them immediately, asking God to cleanse me and fill me afresh with the Holy Spirit.
• Speak to women graciously, humbly, and respectfully. Serve and honor them when appropriate.

• Do not indulge mental fantasies with the culture's entertainment.
• Choose to take every thought captive and keep my mind set on the good things of Philippians 4:8.
• Live counter to a culture that embraces "free-sex."
• For single men, the list could probably double. For starters, choosing to abstain from having sex until marriage, though our single culture today embraces hooking up and having sex just for the physical pleasure.

• Act like a man! Not just like a boy.
• Speak often of my wife and children to other people.
• As a pastor, for years I refused to counsel a woman alone in my office with a closed door.
• When counseling a woman, I intentionally insert my wife and children's names into the conversation several times, just as a subtle reminder, "I belong to them."

This list is just the beginning. I'm sure other godly men could add more.

With the excess imbalance of the #MeToo movement and the Kavanaugh hearing, where it appears a person can be accused with zero evidence by one person dating back decades, men will likely have to add many more items to this list seeking to guard themselves and their reputations.

Let's remember that staying sexually pure, above reproach, and pleasing to God depends on both men and women doing their part.

"God’s will is for you to be holy, so stay away from all sexual sin." 
- 1 Thessalonians 4:3


Pictures used by permission from Pixabay

Swing the Bat

“Whatever your hands find to do, do with all your strength. ”  Ecclesiastes 7:10

When our children played t-ball and coach’s pitch baseball, we told them, “It’s ok if you don’t hit the ball.  But you’ve got to swing the bat.”  No one wants to watch a child who steps up to the plate but refuses to swing.  You gotta’ swing if you’re gonna score!

Photo used from Pixabay

At times in life, however, I find myself wanting to not swing.  It’s easier to just stand and watch the balls flying.  It’s safer to not swing.  After all, what if I swing and miss?  What if I look like a fool?  What if someone laughs at me?  What if my wife sees I am not Mr. Cool?  Yes, not swinging seems much more reasonable.

Sometimes I feel inadequate to parent my growing, and sometimes hard-headed, teenagers.  My dad wasn’t a stellar leader, so what do I know about leading my family?  It’s easier to just passively move through family life than engage their problems, needs, and questions.  

At times I don’t feel like I know how to navigate the emotional needs of my wife.  After being married for almost two decades, it seems like the needs get more complex, not easier.

Solomon, reflecting on life, exhorts us to work hard and engage with strength whatever task we find.  I need to engage, lead, and communicate.  I need to not avoid every conflict.  The opportunities to influence my family won’t be here in ten years.  Today is the day.  I may not hit every ball, but I’ve got to step up and swing.

Try to be the one to make a difference.  Try to put your fear and doubt aside.
Try to make the most of every moment.  And if you fall, get up and try again.  – Dolly Parton

Intentional Fathers

Happy Father's Day!!

The following is a great article I read today about how important it is for us fathers to not just be present - but be INTENTIONAL.

Stepping Up as a Dad

"A few years ago, my son Ben and I had the opportunity to go to a World Series game in St. Louis. It was awesome to see my beloved Cardinals square off against the Detroit Tigers.

The Cards won 5–0 (and went on to win the Series in five games), but the highlight from that evening’s experience was when my friend Chip turned and asked my son, 'How would you describe your dad in one word?' Watching Ben think for a moment, I quietly speculated about what he might say. I was hoping it would be some noble character quality like 'loving' or 'kind' or 'forgiving.'

Instead, my grown son’s one-word conclusion of me was 'intentional.' ”

Read the entire article by Dennis Rainey at Family Life.

What Would Cliff Huxtable Do?

Thursday night was Cosby night. Growing up as an '80's kid, I looked forward to watching the life of the Huxtable family on Thursdays.

TV Guide wrote that "Cosby" was "TV's biggest hit in the 1980s and almost single-handedly revived the sitcom genre."  They ranked TCS as #28 in the top 50 Television Shows of All Time and Cliff Huxtable #1 in their top 50 Greatest TV Dads of All Time.  

My family enjoys watching TCS on DVD.  Currently, we are watching season two.  Besides having to get over the fact that it has been more than thirty years since it first aired, I see the show through a lens now that I missed in the 1980's.  "Cosby" is a remarkable work of art.  It was an incredible effort of Bill Cosby and company to present a healthy, happy, successful African-American family.  This was not Sanford and Son, Good Times, or The Jeffersons. "Cosby" was The Waltons or Little House on the Prairie - only set in modern times in a black family that was living the American Dream.  Cliff, a doctor, and Clair, a lawyer, afforded an upper-middle class lifestyle to their children.  Extremely well-rounded, the couple enjoyed everything from participatory sports, Jazz music, art museums, and junk food.  Bill Cosby's collection of fine, African-American artwork was often used in the series, decorating the walls of the New York townhouse.  The show was a subtle, but firm, cultural statement.  It was a way to celebrate a healthy, wise, and positive black American family.

At the heart of the show is the love and respect of family members.  Cliff and Clair wisely shepherd their children, administering proper authority, discipline, affirmation, correction, and warmth.  They challenge their children to excel.  They require their kids to face consequences.  And they shower affection on each other, like the famous "zerberts" that the show made into a cultural phenomenon.  A zerbert, or ZRBTT, is a sloppy kiss, when you blow air out and make a loud sound.

Yes, I enjoy having my children watch the positive show.  My sixteen year old even commented, "It is so nice to see a strong, good dad on tv." Good old Cliff Huxtable. 

In recent days, my heart aches when I see the daily headlines regarding the ongoing trial of Bill Cosby.   The reason for the trial does not need repeating.  You have been under a rock if you are unaware of the accusations against him.  As of the writing of this column, a verdict has not been issued.  However, as Samuel Jackson said, when there is that much smoke, there has been a fire.

Irregardless of whether or not Bill Cosby actually drugged and raped these women, he has admitted to having sex with various females to whom he was not married.  The Bible has some words for that behavior - fornication, sexual immorality, or adultery.  We have heard in recent years of Cosby's numerous trips to hang out with his buddy Hugh Heffner at the Playboy mansion.  The Bible has a word for that too - stupid.

Though I know it is not fair to expect an actor to be just like the person he plays, I do believe that anyone in the public eye has responsibility to set a good example.  And the greater your place of influence, the greater your responsibility of setting that example.  

I cannot get out of my head the image of Cliff Huxtable.  Would Cliff walk away from his love affair with Clair to chase after numerous women?  Would Cliff, who enjoyed friendships with many influential and exciting people, run out on weekends to check out the Playboy mansion?

Pastor Jack Hayford shares in his book "Fatal Attractions: Why Sex Sins are Worse than Others" that though certainly forgivable, sins of a sexual nature carry long-term consequences physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually, and socially.  Their affects far outlive the passing pleasures.

I believe there is still cultural value in The Cosby Show.  Art can stand alone in spite of its artist.  However, regardless of the outcome of a trial, the legacy of Bill Cosby is forever tainted.

The Greeks used masks in their dramatic performances.  These masks hid the faces and expressions of the real people.  The root of the biblical Greek word for hypocrite means stage actor, pretender, or dissembler.  The Lord Jesus rebuked the Pharisees because of their hypocrisy.  They claimed great piety outwardly, yet they were "white-washed tombs." Their inner life did not match their outward claims.

Growing up, my mother occasionally warned me from the Old Testament book of Numbers. I still can hear her say, "Son, you may be sure that your sin will find you out" (32:23).  In other words, don't be a fool.  You can only hide dirty laundry for so long.  If you choose to continue in wrong behavior, it will catch up with you, and it will often become public information.  That is the nature of sin.

That can keep us humble, motivating us to keep short accounts with the Lord.

If I could ask Bill Cosby just one thing, it might be, "What would Cliff do?"

A Shocking Realization

The following article appears in today's edition of The Clinton Chronicle.

When my oldest son Hendrix turned nine, a sad realization shocked me. One-half of the time I had with him between birth and age eighteen was behind us. We sat at the crest of the hill. For every day ahead, we’d be moving downhill with more days behind us than before us. 

As a naturally nostalgic person, that hit me hard. I didn’t like it. My wife and I loved the preschool and early-elementary school years. Jim Croce wrote, “If I could save time in a bottle . . . .”  Well, if I could have frozen our family in the preschool and early-elementary years, it would have been worth a million dollars to me.

But time waits for no person, and Hendrix was not going to stay young forever for me. Shortly after his birthday while just the two of us drove in my car, I said, “Son, do you know something? You have just turned nine years old. That means that between your birth and when you turn eighteen and finish high school, we are at the halfway point.  We have nine years behind us and nine ahead.”

He smiled.

“The first nine years my goal was to help you be a healthy and happy boy. I tried to be a good dad to help you have a good, healthy childhood. But do you know what my goal has to be the next nine years?”

He said no.

“The next nine years, my goal is to help you become a man.  I have nine years left to help you become a godly, wise, and responsible young man. ”

He smiled again, excited with the challenge.

That means my goal is not that he just have fun, or get everything he wants, or have little responsibility, or receive endless cash and perks from Dad. It may mean I say, “No, I can’t buy you that, son–but you can work for it, save your own money, and one day purchase it yourself.”

It means that I am not primarily his buddy, but his father. It means at times I say, “I know you don’t understand why I won’t let you do that even though some of your friends do. But I don’t think it is best for you.” It means the end result is worth the years of preparation, discipline, and duty.

Last year he turned fourteen. Preschool toys have been traded for guitars, drums, and Itune gift cards. Though I do miss the days of Smurfs, tea parties, and good-night kisses, I enjoy the slow transformation of the boy becoming a man. What a privilege to walk with him, intentionally helping him make that transition.

What a joy when another man comes to me and says, “I just had a wonderful conversation with your oldest son. He was so polite, courteous, and is such a responsible young man.  I want my daughters to be around young men like him.”

Sadly, we live in a generation when many men in their twenties and thirties are still little boys in men’s bodies. With the video-game generation has come a tendency toward immaturity and self-centered living.

Fathers, we have a responsibility to be intentional in our parenting.

Let’s see the goal, discern the importance of the task, and step up to the plate and engage our children, helping them to become the adults God intends them to be.