Impacting Our Children through the Holidays

 

The holidays provide ample opportunities to impact our families spiritually. Here's my article, 7 Ways for Dads to Teach Spiritual Lessons During the Holidays, at The Old Schoolhouse Magazine.

Impacting Our Children During the Holidays

Click here to see my article, 7 Ways for Dads to Teach Spiritual Lessons During the Holidays in The Old Schoolhouse Magazine

Raising Children of Integrity

 Our five-year-old son developed a habit of lying, and I was determined to stop it!  After numerous attempts at spanking as punishment, I wanted a creative approach to discipline.  Surely there was something I could do to nip this in the bud.

Finally, I devised my plan.  One year earlier, Hendrix became interested in the Star Wars movies.  One of his treasured possessions was my old collection of Star Wars action figures.  He thought they were gold. 

I decided that when he lied, he needed to feel pain in an area that mattered to him.  So, the new rule would be that he loses one action figure for every lie told.  One evening when he and I were home alone I initiated what I thought was the perfect tactic of creative discipline.  Hendrix told a lie, and I instructed him to bring me one Star Wars man and meet me in the kitchen.  He listened to my speech about the destructive nature of lies.  Then, I proceeded to heat up the frying pan.  I told my son that what I was about to do to his action figure would illustrate what lies do when they are told.  Hendrix and I watched as Han Solo slowly melted away until all that was left was a puddle of oozing plastic goo.

In my mind I thought, “What a great plan.  The little guy will remember this forever.  This may just break the pattern of lies tonight.  James Dobson and Kevin Leman will probably feature this idea in one of their books.”  I looked up at Hendrix, expecting him to break into uncontrollable sobs, wailing, “Daddy, I will never lie again!  I have learned my lesson!” 

Instead, Hendrix, who had not taken his eyes off of the frying pan, flashed his bright eyes at mine and excitedly asked, “Can we do another one, Daddy?”  So much for creative discipline. 

A Pancake House

Children catch many of life’s values as we model them in life – not as we plan the perfect lesson with a frying pan.  Several years after the Han Solo incident our family experienced an object lesson in integrity and truth-telling that Hendrix still remembers.    Vacationing in Pigeon Forge, we ate supper at one of the infamous pancake houses.  The restaurant had a large, separate foyer and gift shop where people paid for their meal.  After eating, we left the dining room and waited for several minutes in the unattended foyer.  My children began looking at some pocket knives for sale.  Finally, a manager entered.  He apologized for the delay and said, “Thank you for your honesty.  You have no idea how many people in your situation just leave the store and do not pay.”  Then, seeing Hendrix looking at the pocket knife, he said, “Please, you all may have the pocket knife at no charge.  That is my way of saying thank you for being honest.” 

Today, my family still has that knife with “Pigeon Forge” carved on its side.  And occasionally, one of the children will say, “That is the knife the man gave us because we were honest.”  That small knife reminds us of the importance of integrity. 

Here are some practical ways we can work at instilling integrity in our children.

Explain what integrity means

Teach children that integrity means to be the same on the inside as you claim to be on the outside.  The word is associated with the testing of metals.  Some rings are gold-plated.  Others are solid gold all the way through.  God wants us to be the real deal.

Read and memorize key verses

During mealtimes or family devotions, review Bible texts about the importance of truth-telling.  Some examples are Proverbs 12:19, Ephesians 4:15 & 25, John 8:44, John 14:6.

Read stories about people of integrity

As a family, read age-appropriate books or listen to radio theater stories of people with integrity (Gladys Aylward, Corrie ten Boom, and George Muller for example).  Then discuss lessons from their lives.  Also recommended are William Bennett’s The Children’s Book of Virtues and The Children’s Book of Heroes.  Three excellent sources for high quality radio theater are Lamplighter Theater, Adventures in Odyssey, and Focus on the Family's Radio Theater.   Our family has enjoyed dozens of hours the past several years with fabulous radio theater dramas!

Jesus is in the room

We try to teach our children that we always live in God’s presence.  At times we will say, “I need you to answer me with Jesus standing in the room with us.”

Sour tongue

When children do lie, take a small dab of vinegar and put it on their tongue.  We call this “sour tongue.”  The awful taste reminds them of how lies taste to God.

Model honesty and integrity

No better training exists than Dad and Mom living lives worth replicating before their children.  Those little ones see us day in and day out.  Remember, they catch what we do and say – and what we don’t.

May our children find us to be people of integrity – the real deal on the inside.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay and Pexels.

Intentional Parenting

Famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra played against slugger Hank Aaron in the 1957 World Series. An on-plate exchange occurred between the two when Aaron prepared to bat. Berra chided, “Henry, you need to hold the bat so you can read the label. You're gonna break that bat. You've got to be able to read the label."

Aaron remained silent, but he knocked the ball out of the park on his next hit. After running the bases and touching home plate, he responded to Berra, “"I didn't come up here to read." 

In a word, Aaron exuded intentionality. Merriam-Webster defines intentionality as “done by design.”  It speaks of the quality of being purposeful and deliberate.

Christian parenting remains one of the most effective means of accomplishing the Great Commission. We can embrace the task with gusto – use the time entrusted to me with these children to produce Christ-followers. Jesus did not command us to just evangelize but to make disciples. To reproduce mature individuals who obey Jesus and bear fruit in their lives.

Just as Hank Aaron approached the plate to win, we can approach parenting purposefully and deliberately. Here are four areas parents can practice intentionality.

Intentional with time

When my oldest son was three, we routinely went out for “buddy breakfasts.” Some Saturdays, we journeyed to Hardee’s, ordered cinnamon-raisin biscuits, and sat at the high stools, enjoying life. Now that he is a teenager, I still look for times and ways to spend time one-one-one.

I gleaned from The Navigators ministry in college that in the early stages of discipleship, the relationship is as important as the material studied. Later, as the relationship grows strong, the emphasis shifts to the truth learned.

Building the relationship with our children requires time. Don’t swallow the old lie that only quality time matters. In reality, quality time cannot be manufactured. It occurs in the middle of quantity time.

As our children grew into pre-teens, we began taking them on summer overnight father-son and mother-daughter excursions. This year my oldest son and I plan on visiting Vince Gill’s guitar museum in Chattanooga.

I know life is busy. I know the months and years clip at a fast pace. So let’s take out our calendars now at the year’s beginning to plan some quantity time.

Intentional with reading

The importance of reading in raising wise, productive children cannot be overstated. Mark Hamby of Lamplighter Books shares that only two natural factors will determine how different you are five years from now: the people you meet and the books you read.

We can expose our children to great books from history, great stories from literature, and great attributes from people’s lives. Be careful to not let your children’s repertoire consist only of the latest superhero or potty-humored popular series. 

Child-appropriate series abound retelling classic stories like Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, and Little Women. As your children mature, guide them toward good, positive literature that is well-written, thought-provoking, and teaches life lessons.

Take time to read books with your children at every age. As children become tweens and teens, select material that will provoke good discussion. Right now we are reading and discussing Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations with our youngest two children. 

Through books and literature, we can expose our children to world-changing thoughts and ideas.

Intentional with boundaries

Remember, we are not primarily our children’s friends. We are their parents. As a seminary student, I heard Thom Rainer say that leadership means you get far enough ahead of people so they can spot you are the leader – but not so far ahead that they mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the bottom!

Intentional parenting requires making hard and sometimes unpopular decisions. We set boundaries for our children for their best interest. 

Last summer, my wife birthed a marvelous plan. She created a chore chart for electronic time. In order for our children to use their phones, video games, and devices, they had to earn time based on household chores. For example . . .

Take out trash = 5 minutes

Vacuum one room = 10 minutes

Sweep and mop one room = 20 minutes

Cook dinner = 30 minutes

Tracey put a chart in the kitchen and each day, our kids signed in their chores and calculated the resulting electronic time. I’ve never seen them so motivated to clean the house!

Don’t be intimidated to get in front and lead, parents.

Intentional with family devotions

Raising Christ-followers in our homes necessitates time spent at the family altar. Various methods and catechisms abound. However, many times I found the most effective approach is to simply open the Bible and authentically share what is on my heart from God’s Word. Of course, parents, that requires you and I to follow Christ daily. The genuineness of Dad and Mom sharing from God’s Word out of the overflow of our personal relationship with Jesus will leave an indelible – and intentional - print on the souls of our children.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay.

Raising Children of Honesty and Integrity

 

Our five-year-old son developed a habit of lying, and I was determined to stop it!  After numerous attempts at spanking as punishment, I wanted a creative approach to discipline.  Surely there was something I could do to nip this in the bud.

Finally, I devised my plan.  One year earlier, Hendrix became interested in the Star Wars movies.  One of his treasured possessions was my old collection of Star Wars action figures.  He thought they were gold. 

I decided that when he lied, he needed to feel pain in an area that mattered to him.  So, the new rule would be that he loses one action figure for every lie told.  One evening when he and I were home alone I initiated what I thought was the perfect tactic of creative discipline.  Hendrix told a lie, and I instructed him to bring me one Star Wars man and meet me in the kitchen.  He listened to my speech about the destructive nature of lies.  Then, I proceeded to heat up the frying pan.  I told my son that what I was about to do to his action figure would illustrate what lies do when they are told.  Hendrix and I watched as Han Solo slowly melted away until all that was left was a puddle of oozing plastic goo.

In my mind I thought, “What a great plan.  The little guy will remember this forever.  This may just break the pattern of lies tonight.  James Dobson and Kevin Leman will probably feature this idea in one of their books.”  I looked up at Hendrix, expecting him to break into uncontrollable sobs, wailing, “Daddy, I will never lie again!  I have learned my lesson!” 

Instead, Hendrix, who had not taken his eyes off of the frying pan, flashed his bright eyes at mine and excitedly asked, “Can we do another one, Daddy?”  So much for creative discipline. 

Children catch many of life’s values as we model them in life – not as we plan the perfect lesson with a frying pan.  Several years after the Han Solo incident our family experienced an object lesson in integrity and truth-telling that Hendrix still remembers.    Vacationing in Pigeon Forge, we ate supper at one of the infamous pancake houses.  The restaurant had a large, separate foyer and gift shop where people paid for their meal.  After eating, we left the dining room and waited for several minutes in the unattended foyer.  My children began looking at some pocket knives for sale.  Finally, a manager entered.  He apologized for the delay and said, “Thank you for your honesty.  You have no idea how many people in your situation just leave the store and do not pay.”  Then, seeing Hendrix looking at the pocket knife, he said, “Please, you all may have the pocket knife at no charge.  That is my way of saying thank you for being honest.” 

Today, my family still has that knife with “Pigeon Forge” carved on its side.  And occasionally, one of the children will say, “That is the knife the man gave us because we were honest.”  That small knife reminds us of the importance of integrity. 

Here are some practical ways we can work at instilling integrity in our children.

Explain what integrity means

Teach children that integrity means to be the same on the inside as you claim to be on the outside.  The word is associated with the testing of metals.  Some rings are gold-plated.  Others are solid gold all the way through.  God wants us to be the real deal.

Read and memorize key verses

During mealtimes or family devotions, review Bible texts about the importance of truth-telling.  Some examples are Proverbs 12:19, Ephesians 4:15 & 25, John 8:44, John 14:6.

Read stories about people of integrity

As a family, read age-appropriate books or listen to radio theater stories of people with integrity (Gladys Aylward, Corrie ten Boom, and George Muller for example).  Then discuss lessons from their lives.  Also recommended are William Bennett’s The Children’s Book of Virtues and The Children’s Book of Heroes.  Three excellent sources for high quality radio theater are Lamplighter Theater, Adventures in Odyssey, and Focus on the Family's Radio Theater.   Our family has enjoyed dozens of hours the past several years with fabulous radio theater dramas!

Jesus is in the room

We try to teach our children that we always live in God’s presence.  At times we will say, “I need you to answer me with Jesus standing in the room with us.”

Sour tongue

When children do lie, take a small dab of vinegar and put it on their tongue.  We call this “sour tongue.”  The awful taste reminds them of how lies taste to God.

Model honesty and integrity

No better training exists than Dad and Mom living lives worth replicating before their children.  Those little ones see us day in and day out.  Remember, they catch what we do and say – and what we don’t.

May our children find us to be people of integrity – the real deal on the inside.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay and Pexels.

Enjoy the Long Days of Summer

The following is my monthly column for The Clinton Chronicle in Clinton, South Carolina:

Summer cometh once again. Many people are planning a family trip, Vacation Bible School, and pool fun. But before long, if not careful, it’s easy for families to fall into a summer slump. The good intentions of projects we hoped to get done, the books we planned to read, or the family bonding time we envisioned might slip through our fingers.

June is a good time to take inventory. Almost six months have passed since the New Year tolled and we confidently made resolutions. The holidays seem like eons away from these hot days. Children and teenagers may fall into a rut of accomplishing nothing and vegging out on television and video games.

Moses prayed that the Lord would teach us to number our days carefully so that we may develop wisdom in our hearts. (See Psalm 90:12.) Even in the lazy days of summer, let’s not become sloths. We can model for our children how to use our time productively. Here are four ways we can live intentionally this summer.

Evaluate and organize.

Do a midyear assessment. Are we still on track for any of the goals we set in January? Realistically, what do we hope to accomplish in the second half of the year?

When the heat drives us indoors, we can spend time tidying our lives. Pick a project. Maybe the digital pictures need to be sorted, filed, and saved several times. Make a big stack of clothes to give away.

Set spiritual goals for the remainder of the year. Each summer I evaluate what I hope to accomplish at church in the fall as well as what writing projects need my attention.

Connect with your church.

Though your church’s schedule may be toned down in the summer, don’t let your connection with the Body of Christ wane. The Bible says Sunday is the Lord’s Day — it belongs to Him. Prioritize worshiping with your church family on Sunday when you are in town. Don’t forget to give financially to your fellowship. Summer tends to be the hardest time for a church’s income. Look for ways to serve in your church during the hot summer days. Substitute Sunday School teachers or small group leaders may be needed as families take vacations.

Attempt to get to know people in your church. Plan to go out to eat together on Sundays. Invite a senior adult or widow in your church over for a meal. Host a short-term prayer group or Bible study in your home. Linger after the worship service and talk.

Take one-on-one trips.

My wife and I schedule same-gender trips with our children one-on-one during the summer. We try to make the get-aways fun without spending tons of money. One summer, my 14-year-old and I kayaked on the French Broad River in Asheville, N.C., through the Biltmore Estate. Another year we went to the National Whitewater Center in Charlotte for some fun.

We also intentionally use the trips to discuss any pressing issues confronting our children. When my son was 11, we had the “birds and the bees” discussion on our overnight trip, using James Dobson’s Preparing for Adolescence. We try to talk with them about things that matter without making the time too heavy or pushy. It’s one of the few moments during our year that we can leisurely spend time together with no real agenda other than connecting.

Don’t forget to play.

Someone said the family that prays together stays together. But it’s also true that the family that plays together stays together. Without the routine of school, ball practice, and music rehearsals, summer provides margin for families. During the school year, parents have to be responsible for keeping our kids on task for all of those engagements. So for the summer, let’s be responsible for making sure our family plays!

Find local points of interest to visit. For years we took several Saturdays each summer to find waterfalls in upstate South Carolina. They provide cool refreshment on hot afternoons. Have “no electronic nights” when you play board games and charades or tell stories.

Get friends together, cook out, eat watermelon, and stay up late chasing fireflies. When our children are adults, they won’t remember much about our work and responsibilities. They will remember times when we played together as a family.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay.

 

Heroes Needed

The following is my column for The Clinton Chronicle for April 14, 2021.

Our world needs heroes. For such examples, sometimes we look backward.

My youngest son and I are reading Eric Metaxas’ book, 7 Men and 7 Women and the Secret of their Greatness. I highly recommend it. One model is Dietrich Bonhoeffer (1906-1945), the German theologian and pastor who protected German Jews and participated in a plot to assassinate Adolf Hitler. For such actions he hung at Flossenburg concentration camp.

Born into an extraordinary family, his parents taught their children to love learning of all kinds and to think logically, acting upon their beliefs. Dietrich “understood that ideas were never mere ideas but the foundations upon which hone built one’s actions and ultimately one’s life.”

A sort of epiphany during his eighteenth year while attending a Palm Sunday Eucharist at Saint Peter’s Basilica in Rome forged a deep conviction with far-reaching consequences: the church transcended race, nationality, and culture, and that extended beyond German Lutherans.

While a seminary student in America, he participated in the country’s largest church – an African American one in Harlem, New York. He witnessed a people whose God was real and personal – not just philosophical or theological – in spite of their often-hard lives. The pastor, Adam Powell, Sr., challenged hearers to have a genuine relationship with Jesus and to put their faith into action in how they treated others: “Bonhoeffer seemed to link the idea of having deep faith in Jesus with taking political and social action.”

Returning to Germany in 1931 to teach at Berlin University, his friends noted a marked change. His faith now was a wedding of both intellect and heart. The seeds of theological liberalism were sprouting in Germany, including the higher criticism movement. In contrast to many Berlin theological circles, he “referred to the Bible as the Word of God, as though God existed and was alive and wanted to speak to us through it. The whole point of studying the text was to get to the God behind the text. The experience could not be merely intellectual but must also be personal and real.” The young teacher discipled his students to meditate on the Bible, pray, and love Jesus.

Adolf Hitler stepped into a vacuum of leadership in Germany, reeling from their defeat in World War I and lacking the experience as a country with governing themselves democratically. He brilliantly played to their felt needs, promising moderation and peace and claiming internal betrayal from Communists and Jews. This false idea of treachery – the Dolchstoss (stab-in-the-back) was the “fake news” of 1930’s Germany, and many accepted it as truth.

Historically, a prophet has divine insight to see beyond public rhetoric – and to distinguish between true and false. Prophets often go unheeded and receive gross mistreatment because their warnings seem out of sync with popular discourse.

Bonhoeffer saw things would get much worse for his country, and he realized Hitler’s Nationa

l Socialists would lead the nation into catastrophic results. Two days after Hitler became Germany’s chancellor, the theologian delivered a radio speech chastising Hitler’s perverse idea of leadership. He warned the Germans the chancellor would mislead the people: he “saw from the very beginning what no one else seemed to see – that Hitler and the philosophy he represented would end tragically, and that Nazi ideology could not coexist with Christianity.”

Though Hitler pretended to be a Christian, he secretly despised it, wanting to slowly infiltrate the church with Nazi theology, unify German churches around his ideology, and “create a single state church that submitted to him alone.” He did so incrementally so most people wouldn’t be alarmed until it was too late.

Bonhoeffer, whose father taught him to think ideas through to their consequential ends, tried to warn fellow Germans. Convinced true Christians had to fight the Nazi movement with all their strength, Bonhoeffer sounded the alarm about the radical growing evil. He knew a “slumbering church would be no match for the Nazis.” Sadly, many German Christians did not understand or acknowledge what was at stake and were unwilling to fight the movement.

By the late 1930’s, Nazis increased the scope of government with many laws and regulations, limiting the freedoms of citizens and especially serious Christians. They eventually prohibited Dietrich from teaching and speaking publicly. As the Third Reich took complete control of society, he and other believers faced incredible ethical-moral choices. How does a Christian act under a government that enforces laws diametrically opposed to God’s Word?

Some of Bonhoeffer’s family were involved in a conspiracy against Hitler. Through immense, prayerful consideration, they agreed with the motto referenced in the American Revolution: “Rebellion to tyrants is obedience to God.” As Adolf consolidated his power, underground conversations continued about how to stop the Fuhrer. They “believed that to do anything less was to shrink from God’s call to act upon one’s beliefs.”

As World War II began, Dietrich became a double agent, openly pretending to be a part of the Third Reich, while secretly working with the wide network of conspirators to destroy it.

While working underground to save the lives of seven Jews, Gestapo leaders discovered the plan and arrested Bonhoeffer at his parents’ home. At Berlin’s Tegel military prison, he wrote his famous Letters and Papers from Prison. Fifteen months after his arrest, conspirators enacted the Valkyrie plot  - a failed attempt to assassinate the Fuhrer with bombs. The vast conspiracy now exposed, names were revealed, including Dietrich’s.

Taken to an underground high-security prison, he prepared for death, which he called “the last station on the road to freedom.” Later transferred to Flossenburg  concentration camp, under direct orders of Hitler, Dietrich was executed on April 9.

The cost of discipleship for Bonhoeffer was great. Metaxas summarizes, “he lived his whole life to illustrate . . . that anyone who pays a price or who suffers for obeying God’s will is worthy of our celebration.”

 

Picture used by permission from Pixabay.

Intentional Parenting

Click here to view my monthly newspaper column this week in The Clinton Chronicle.

Intentional Parenting

Famous baseball catcher Yogi Berra played against slugger Hank Aaron in the 1957 World Series. An on-plate exchange occurred between the two when Aaron prepared to bat. Berra chided, “Henry, you need to hold the bat so you can read the label. You're gonna break that bat. You've got to be able to read the label."

Aaron remained silent, but he knocked the ball out of the park on his next hit. After running the bases and touching home plate, he responded to Berra, “"I didn't come up here to read." 

In a word, Aaron exuded intentionality. Merriam-Webster defines intentionality as “done by design.”  It speaks of the quality of being purposeful and deliberate.

Christian parenting remains one of the most effective means of accomplishing the Great Commission. We can embrace the task with gusto – use the time entrusted to me with these children to produce Christ-followers. Jesus did not command us to just evangelize but to make disciples. To reproduce mature individuals who obey Jesus and bear fruit in their lives.

Just as Hank Aaron approached the plate to win, we can approach parenting purposefully and deliberately. Here are four areas parents can practice intentionality.

Intentional with time

When my oldest son was three, we routinely went out for “buddy breakfasts.” Some Saturdays, we journeyed to Hardee’s, ordered cinnamon-raisin biscuits, and sat at the high stools, enjoying life. Now that he is a teenager, I still look for times and ways to spend time one-one-one.

I gleaned from The Navigators ministry in college that in the early stages of discipleship, the relationship is as important as the material studied. Later, as the relationship grows strong, the emphasis shifts to the truth learned.

Building the relationship with our children requires time. Don’t swallow the old lie that only quality time matters. In reality, quality time cannot be manufactured. It occurs in the middle of quantity time.

As our children grew into pre-teens, we began taking them on summer overnight father-son and mother-daughter excursions. This year my oldest son and I plan on visiting Vince Gill’s guitar museum in Chattanooga.

I know life is busy. I know the months and years clip at a fast pace. So let’s take out our calendars now at the year’s beginning to plan some quantity time.

Intentional with reading

The importance of reading in raising wise, productive children cannot be overstated. Mark Hamby of Lamplighter Books shares that only two natural factors will determine how different you are five years from now: the people you meet and the books you read.

We can expose our children to great books from history, great stories from literature, and great attributes from people’s lives. Be careful to not let your children’s repertoire consist only of the latest superhero or potty-humored popular series. 

Child-appropriate series abound retelling classic stories like Robinson Crusoe, Treasure Island, and Little Women. As your children mature, guide them toward good, positive literature that is well-written, thought-provoking, and teaches life lessons.

Take time to read books with your children at every age. As children become tweens and teens, select material that will provoke good discussion. Right now we are reading and discussing Do Hard Things: A Teenage Rebellion Against Low Expectations with our youngest two children. 

Through books and literature, we can expose our children to world-changing thoughts and ideas.

Intentional with boundaries

Remember, we are not primarily our children’s friends. We are their parents. As a seminary student, I heard Thom Rainer say that leadership means you get far enough ahead of people so they can spot you are the leader – but not so far ahead that they mistake you for the enemy and shoot you in the bottom!

Intentional parenting requires making hard and sometimes unpopular decisions. We set boundaries for our children for their best interest. 

Last summer, my wife birthed a marvelous plan. She created a chore chart for electronic time. In order for our children to use their phones, video games, and devices, they had to earn time based on household chores. For example . . .

Take out trash = 5 minutes

Vacuum one room = 10 minutes

Sweep and mop one room = 20 minutes

Cook dinner = 30 minutes

Tracey put a chart in the kitchen and each day, our kids signed in their chores and calculated the resulting electronic time. I’ve never seen them so motivated to clean the house!

Don’t be intimidated to get in front and lead, parents.

Intentional with family devotions

Raising Christ-followers in our homes necessitates time spent at the family altar. Various methods and catechisms abound. However, many times I found the most effective approach is to simply open the Bible and authentically share what is on my heart from God’s Word. Of course, parents, that requires you and I to follow Christ daily. The genuineness of Dad and Mom sharing from God’s Word out of the overflow of our personal relationship with Jesus will leave an indelible – and intentional - print on the souls of our children.

Pictures used by permission from Pixabay.

To My Son - Upon His High School Graduation

The following article appeared in my monthly column in The Clinton Chronicle on Wednesday, May 22, 2019.

This month you graduate from high school. Where have the years gone? I remember feeling like the proudest daddy on the planet the week you were born. That special five days Mary Black Hospital – your mother, me, and our newborn baby. We were so happy that God had given you to us. The nurse put you in my arms that first night and tears streamed down my face. The first few days I felt like you were my fragile gift – afraid I might hurt you some way. I can still feel my excitement as we walked into the front door of our house holding you and taking you to your nursery.  Donnie Thompson (Number 1 Sign Designs) put a huge sign over our front door, welcoming you home.

I had so many hopes, so many dreams, and so many determinations. Recently, I wrestled with the reality that I can’t control our destiny, can’t make life perfect, and I can’t fulfill every dream I had as an idealistic 28-year old new dad. I learned I can’t make everything happen like a fairy tale. I can’t keep away disappointments. I don’t have the wealth and affluence I sometimes wished for our family. Life is not always easy and problem free. Wise people learn that acceptance brings peace, and that through it all God is good and faithful. 

We shared wonderful graces along the way – Buddy Breakfasts sitting on stools over Hardee’s Cinnamon Raisin Biscuits, bike rides around Thornwell and Presbyterian College, hours spent in swimming pools and creeks, rides on the Mystery Mine and roller coasters at Dollywood, family devotions before going to bed, lots of talks about superheroes, late-night conversations lying next to each other in the dark. I’ve knelt by your bedside or stood over you many a night in prayer – sometimes with throbs of joy in my throat – other times with tears streaming down my face. And I’ve watched you develop into an honorable, fine young man.

The accomplishment that matters most on this earth is the investment of giving my children a godly father and a peaceful, happy home. I have experienced one of the greatest rewards known to man – being a father. That endeavor will outlive me.

I have hoped through the years to raise a godly man, a Southern gentleman with good manners, and one who will engage the world with his skills, talents, and passions. And for the cherry on top, one with a love for music, history and politics!

A few years ago, I realized that I hit early middle-age.  I no longer have babies and preschoolers. College is two decades past.  My children are much cooler than me.  For fun, I still listen to music I enjoyed as a teenager – back in the 1980’s.  

However, laying the dreams of youth aside, I see evidences of the Providence of God through the years. Timely relationships, provisions, and opportunities remind me of God’s activity in my fairly average life.  Reviewing my journals through the years offers confirmations of the hand of the Lord guarding and guiding. And if you follow Him, He will do the same for you.

When Joshua in the Old Testament began his leadership journey, the Lord reminded him that a key to success was anchoring his life in the Word of God, meditating on and obeying its truths. I pray you look squarely at the Lord.  He makes our steps firm.  He appoints our days.  He establishes our ways.  And we can trust Him.

Remember, the Bible is God’s Word. Keep it close to your heart. The Bible and God’s Spirit can help keep your paths straight, your mind sharp, and your life clean.

So here a few short bits of counsel:

Practice a daily spiritual habit of spending time with the Lord, meditating in God’s Word, praying and listening to Him, and enjoying His presence. Nothing is more important to your long-time walk with God than that daily habit.

You are entering a crazy world that has lost its moorings. I hope you remember in life to value people over pleasures, relationships over materials, truth over feelings, and family and friends over fame and fortune.

Discover what you enjoy doing, encompassing how God has hard-wired you as His unique creation. When there is an alignment of our skills, abilities, talents, personality traits and passions we will recognize God’s call. Then spend your life doing those things. 

And remember that very little worthwhile happens in life apart from discipline. Embrace discipline, and you will enjoy her fruit.

Now our relationship begins a slow shift from intensive parenting to becoming a counselor, encourager, and eventually friend.

Raising a family has been your parents' favorite endeavor in life. We will always love you, and our door will always be open to you.