When my
oldest son Hendrix turned nine, a sad realization shocked me. One-half of the time I had with him between
birth and age eighteen was behind us. We
sat at the crest of the hill. For every
day ahead, we were moving downhill with more days behind us than before us.
A naturally
nostalgic person, that hit me hard. I
didn’t like it. My wife and I loved the
preschool and early-elementary school years.
Jim Croce wrote, “If I could save time in a bottle . . . .” Well, if I could have frozen our family in
the preschool and early elementary years, it would have been worth a million
dollars to me.
He smiled.
“The first
nine years my goal was to help you be a healthy and happy boy. I tried to be a good dad to help you have a
good, healthy childhood. But, do you
know what my goal has to be the next nine years?
He said no.
“The next
nine years my goal is to help you become a man.
I have nine years left to help you become a godly, wise, and responsible
young man. ”
He smiled
again, excited with the challenge.
That means
my goal is not that he just have fun, or get everything he wants, or have
little responsibility, or receive endless cash and perks from Dad. It may mean I say, “No, I can’t buy you that
son. But you can work for it, save your
own money, and one day purchase it yourself.”
It means
that I am not primarily his buddy, but his father. It means at times I say, “I know you don’t
understand why I won’t let you do that even though some of your friends
do. But I don’t think it is best for you.” It means the end result is worth the years of
preparation, discipline, and duty.
Last year he
turned fourteen. Preschool toys have
been traded for guitars, drums, and Itune gift cards. Though I do miss the days of Smurfs, tea
parties, and good-night kisses, I enjoy the slow transformation of the boy
becoming a man. What a privilege to walk
with him, intentionally helping him make that transition.
What a joy
when another man comes to me and says, “I just had a wonderful conversation
with your oldest son. He was so polite,
courteous, and is such a responsible young man.
I want my daughters to be around young men like him.”
Sadly, we
live in a generation when many men in their 20’s and 30’s are still little boys
in men’s bodies. With the video-game
generation has come a tendency toward immaturity and self-centered living.
Fathers, we
have a responsibility to be intentional in our parenting.
Let’s see
the goal, discern the importance of the task, and step up to the plate and
engage our children. Let's help them become the adults God intends them to be.
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